A Friend Who Won’t Talk About What’s Wrong

It’s hurtful when a friend withdraws and won’t talk about what’s wrong.

It’s impossible to figure out what’s going on with a friend doesn’t tell you.

QUESTION

I’m feeling super down. Last year, I used to hang out a lot with my good friend, who is an ex-co-worker. We talked and texted almost every day. Although we would still talk and text this year, my friend started avoiding seeing me in person. 

On her birthday in April, we were supposed to get together but she canceled, saying she didn’t feel well that day. Instead, we texted all day and she told me she was going to hang out with another friend the following day.

After that day, she cut off all our phone calls. She would still text here and there but not as frequently as before and her texts were a little colder. 

In the middle of May, I ran into her at a work-related meeting. She avoided me and stepped away to text me from the staircase, seemingly waiting for me to leave. She didn’t even speak to me for one minute. 

She texted me afterward, telling me to believe her that I “had done nothing wrong.” She apologized and said she was sorry if she came off as being rude. 

It’s hard to believe that nothing is wrong and nothing has happened; I don’t understand why she’s unwilling to tell me what’s bothering her. I didn’t reply to her last text because I was so hurt.

What are your thoughts? I’m so confused

Signed,

Brittany

ANSWER

Hi Brittany,

We can’t even begin to guess why your friend is pulling back and has decided she only wants an electronic friendship.

Close friendships depend on the ability of two people to be open and honest with one another. If your friend doesn’t want to get together in person and won’t talk about what’s wrong, it puts the kibosh on any kind of satisfying friendship.

Because the decision to change the nature of the friend was one-sided and you don’t know what happened, it stands to reason that you would feel hurt and disappointed. 

You shouldn’t accept this friendship on these terms. The only thing you can do is to give your friend one last chance to meet in person to talk about what’s wrong. If she’s unwilling to do this, you need to move on and find ways to fill the emptiness you’re feeling.

In friendship,

Irene & Sheryl

Friendship Rule: 

Close friendships depend on the ability of two people to communicate openly and honestly.