My Friend Always Talks About Money

Money and finances can be uncomfortable subjects to discuss because people have different values and attitudes about them.

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QUESTION

Hi,

Why would a friend keep telling me over and over how much money she received from her deceased boyfriend and how wealthy she is? 

One day, she also boasted about buying a cottage on Tybee Island, Ga. This was a very down day for me because I knew my husband was dying. 

To add insult to injury, when my husband died a year ago, she invited me to her home, where she and another friend proceeded to tell me that I should give my late husband’s two drug-addicted sons money. I was disappointed to find out she apparently tells my late husband’s sons everything we talk about. 

My husband suffered from dementia, and I cared for him alone for four years. Neither of his sons—nor my friend—ever offered to help. A year before my husband died, she told me I had no right to anything.

Is she a little crazy? She is 70 years old and still works. This has me feeling very upset and disappointed.

Signed, Meg

ANSWER

Hi Meg,

We are sorry about the loss of your husband.

It is disconcerting that your friend would boast about her inheritance from her boyfriend or tell you how to spend your own money.

If you haven’t already done so, you need to let your friend know that you aren’t comfortable discussing finances with her, either yours or hers.

Many people steer away from discussing finances, religion, sex, and politics even with their closest friends because people have different values or because they consider the topics too personal.

You didn’t explain her relationship to your deceased husband’s sons, but we can understand how that might make you uncomfortable if you have an acrimonious relationship with them and she is telling you to give them money.

It sounds like this friend might be a bit much for you to handle now except in very small doses. Perhaps you need a break from her, or you should think about seeing her less frequently.

When a relationship with a friend is consistently more draining than rewarding, you must question whether they are friend-worthy.

Hope this helps.

In friendship, 

Irene & Sheryl

Friendship Rule

Many friends, including close ones, feel uncomfortable discussing topics like money, religion, politics, and sex.