My Friend Turned Down My Daughter’s Wedding Invitation
It hurts when a close friend turns down a wedding invitation, especially when there’s no explanation.
Moving forward when your best friend refuses a wedding invitation can be hard, but not impossible.
QUESTION
We invited one of my best friends to my daughter’s wedding. To my surprise, she said she wouldn’t be coming without offering any explanation for turning down the invitation.
This is especially perplexing for a couple of reasons: We attended her daughter’s wedding just a few months ago and our daughter was even one of the bridesmaids. And her daughter is going to be a bridesmaid at my daughter’s wedding.
I would never have missed her wedding, as both our daughters grew up together and are very close.
I have a feeling it’s her husband who does not want to go for whatever reason, but my friend hasn’t told me that. Lacking any explanation, my thoughts are all over the place: Have I done something to offend her? Does she just not care enough? Does she want the friendship to end?
I’m concerned that this will affect our relationship in the future and I’m at a loss as to how to respond.
Marcie
ANSWER
Hi Marcie,
Congratulations on your daughter’s upcoming wedding. Milestones like this don’t come around too often.
We all love to have close friends join us for special occasions, so it’s easy to understand your disappointment over being turned down by your friend.
Although your friend hasn’t offered an explanation, we’re sure she struggled with her decision. If it was indeed her husband who didn’t want to attend, she could have been concerned that by telling you that, she’d be betraying him. Or, there could be a host of other reasons for her decision, ones that are totally unrelated to you.
Perhaps you can try saying something like this to your friend: “I’m so disappointed you won’t be there, but I know you must have a very good reason for not coming.”
And then, let her talk. By doing this, you’re opening the door and making it more comfortable for her to explain. Even if she isn’t able to respond, you’ll feel better having said something.
If she doesn’t offer an explanation, and you want to keep the friendship, try to forgive her. We suspect your friend is likely to feel as badly about this as you do.
Whatever happens, don’t let it interfere with the enjoyment of the celebration.
Hope this helps!
In friendship,
Irene & Sheryl
Friendship Rule
It can be unsettling when a close friend disappoints you without explanation. Sometimes, the only path to keeping the friendship is forgiveness.
Having been to several large weddings last year, I can think of a host of reasons the close friend declined the invitation. Here are just a few: the cost, the perceived need to buy a new outfit, the date and location, jealousy or other negative emotions, social anxiety, being photographed, realizing your age, feeling sad about the passing of time, feeling ignored or invisible, regretting one's own choices, disliking your spouse, recently quitting alcohol, etc. Your response was good -- the only choice is to ask the person why they are not coming. If they don't answer, I'd say the friendship is likely affected forever.