5 Comments

Hi,

sometimes ago I had a significant fallout with my friends and we just stopped talking with each other and I didn't know what went wrong or I didn't know what happened to the friendship, I've been sad and bitter about it. It is already a year plus, but I don't know what to do if I should talk to them or just make peace with the situation and I don't know how to make new friends because I am an introvert and not someone who goes on outings

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I have only broken up with 1 friend. The 1 friend was someone who I was there for countless times at all hours of the day and night for years. Then the 1 time I needed support, she was too busy with her own problems to be there for me. I had to come to terms with the fact that she did not have space for me when I needed her so I filled the space that I kept open for her with healing myself. She has reached out 1 time in the past year and I did not answer her. She is no longer a priority for my energy. I have had 2 best friends break up with me. I understand why they needed to break off our friendship, but it still hurts that they did so as a results of me sticking up for them. No one talks about how hard it is to grieve the loss of someone who is still living.

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I lost my best friend of 25 years about 3 years ago, when she committed a breathtaking act of betrayal. There was no graceful ending, no compassion, no gentle let-down. I cut her off with one phone call. But that doesn't mean I don't miss her every single day.

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I hear strength and sorrow in your comment, and it reminds me of a line I heard and have found helpful as a grieve some related losses: "You can miss something and still not want it." That line you wrote— "breathtaking act of betrayal"— is poetic in its honesty.

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You're spot on when you note that a friendship break-up is even more difficult if you have a long, shared history together and many common memories/experiences with that friend. That's definitely a reason you'd want to "leave gracefully" and "with respect," as you pointed out in your article.

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