Ditched By My Walking Friend

When you're dumped by a friend who lives nearby, there are constant reminders of the loss.

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Question

A neighbor whom I considered a friend abruptly ditched me. 

We were walking buddies for a couple of months, and we’d always meet in the morning. We also did things besides walking which she always initiated. She also texted me more than I did her, even though she told me she really liked her space, so I tried to respect that. 

She’s an introvert, and I’m an extrovert, but she made a great effort to keep a conversation going the whole time we walked. 

Her back started hurting recently, and that’s when I got the text “I’m gonna take a break from walking for a few weeks.” Then she texted, “And from socializing.”

I asked her if she was going to walk even though her back hurt because I thought she might want to continue walking but only at a slower pace. 

As it turns out, she’s still walking. I also asked her if I did something wrong, and she replied “I think you have your boundaries blurred.”

This has been a struggle to get over as she was my motivation to walk. How can I take my mind off her?

Signed,

Layla

ANSWER

Hi Layla,

It’s hard to get over the loss of a friendship with a neighbor because you are reminded of the loss each time you see her or her home. Making matters more difficult, you don’t really know why she suddenly ditched you.

You were perfectly right to ask if you did something wrong, although her response was obtuse and didn’t really offer an explanation.

Although it’s hard, try not to take this personally. It sounds like this is more about her than about you. 

You mentioned that your neighbor is an introvert. As many introverts prefer their own company to the company of others, this might be the case with your (former) walking partner. A lot of people use walking time to listen to books, podcasts, music, or just be alone with their thoughts. Perhaps she’d rather have this time to herself. Another possibility is that she might feel like walking with you forces conversation, resulting in her feeling pressured to reveal things she’d rather not. She very well might prefer ambling to gabbing.

Don’t compound the loss of a friend with the loss of motivation to walk. Continue to walk by yourself or see if you can find another walking partner. Sometimes, there are neighborhood walking groups on Facebook or Meetup.

Although this friendship was convenient; it doesn’t sound like an intimate one. But we understand your feelings, as it does take time to get over a friendship, especially when the decision to end it has been one-sided. 

Friendship Rule

It’s hard to get over the loss of a friendship with a neighbor because you’re reminded of the loss each time you see her or her home.